updating at work because it's soo boring today! chaya and i are being bad and getting on the computer.

i feel gigantic and pregnant but pretty happy and really hungry.

um...had my baby shower on sunday. it was great and i am so thankful for all of the awesome people who blessed us.

can't wait to meet him!

i feel pretty disconnected. it's easy for me to get anti-social. alot is going on at work. i'm going to be training two new people and doing some training myself to become a tech. it's exciting, but overwhelming. i'm starting to feel better but i have alot of days when i'm still pretty exhausted. and it's hard for me to relax when i'm around people and away from home. plus travis just got a second job working with portland ben at a mechanic shop on the reservation. so when he's around i like to see him. he's working long and hard and i'm pretty proud. i see people and i usually feel guilty. isn't that terrible? it's always my first reaction. sorry. sorry i haven't seen you or called you back or asked how you've been. i have this long list of people in my head who i love very much, who i don't seek out and connect with like i should. i don't know how some people do so much. relationships are hard work.

sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!!

= )

they say this passes soon. it's amazing something the size of a prune can make me feel this crappy.

my silly little prune. i'm excited to meet him/her.

i feel like a hermit. i haven't seen or talked to anyone in weeks. i feel like i work and sleep...and eat. and eat.

so just so everyone knows. i'm alive. doing okay. when this scary thing called first trimester is over i hope to resurface and get a life again.

what are some good girl names? i can't find any i like. boys names just seem cooler. i need ideas. don't let me down.

i tried to do handstands for you.

i tried to do handstands for you.

but every time i fell for you.

everytime i fell for you.

i miss alot today.

theres nothing i can do-i only wanna be with you

i like life to be simple.

i'm not sure i'm very happy. not with myself. not where i am.

i think if it was summer i would be a better person. and if i was 15 again.

but 15 has alot of heart ache too. and wishing does no good.

i'm a really fast eater. i love food, but when i eat a meal i eat so fast that before i know it i am stuffed and i can't remember what a single bite tasted like. good food is wasted. i swallow it whole.i can't seem to slow down.

thats what 15 was like. and 16,17,18,19...

swallowed whole. i have glimpses of good memories. but i wish i would have paused. savored.

20 is almost gone. i wish someone would tell me how to pause. how not to wish and reach.how to savor.

life is too short for me to keep eating so fast.

i love you. sometimes those words mean so little. i want to live my life so that they mean more.

Well theres nothing I can do
I only wanna be with you
You can call me your fool
Only wanna be with you

Put on a little dylan
Sitting on a fence
I say that line is great
You ask me what I meant by
said I shot a man named gray
Took his wife to italy
She inherited a million bucks
And when she died it came to me
I cant help it if Im lucky

Only wanna be with you
Aint bobby so cool
Only wanna be with you

(solo)

Yeah Im tangled up in blue
Only wanna be with you
You can call me your fool
Only wanna be with you

Sometimes I wonder
If it will ever end
You get so mad at me
When I go out with my friends
Sometimes youre crazy
And you wonder why
Im such a baby yeah
The dolphins make me cry

Well theres nothing I can do
Only wanna be with you
You can call me your fool
Only wanna be with you
Yeah Im tangled up in blue
Only wanna be with you